Earlier this summer renegade financier Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in an upstate New York slammer after pleading guilty to defrauding investors of as much as $65 fucking billion — a staggeringly massive scam of epic proportions! An absolutely stunning theft on par with the sinking of the Titanic! It is considered the largest investor fraud ever committed by a single person.

But was this gigantic financial assault committed by a man trying to compensate for other shortcomings? That’s what a new book titled Madoff’s Other Secret claims. The author, Madoff’s alleged longtime mistress Sheryl Weinstein, writes:

“Bernie had a very small penis. Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst. I wanted to be careful how I responded. Men and their penises have a strange and unique relationship . . . [However] I liked this man and didn’t want to emasculate him. His tiny penis hadn’t prevented me from climaxing . . . On the bright side, oral sex would be a breeze.”

Nice work, cock sucker! It’s always best to look at the glass half full.