My personal favorites:

Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit
“I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.”

Ferocious attack kitten
“This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear – however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.”