Latest post from our favorite cranky fag, Mike Diamond.

Check out all his nastiness at: YouTube – MikeDiamondVideos Channel.

As someone who grew up watching ‘Match Game’ when I would come home from school for lunch, I can totally appreciate Weird Al’s fascination with Charles Nelson Reilly.   He was the gate-way drug to Paul Lynde.

YouTube – “Weird Al” Yankovic – CNR via Boingboing.net

Found in the personals section:

And no one cares. Thirty six years old and it is all going to end soon. Going to lose a great UES apartment see last photo. No more Manhattan, going to have to live with my parents in a fucking retirement community two hours away from the city, no job, no relationship, nothing. I hate life. I just want to keep drinking and die.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

via I Hate Life…I am Losing My Apt., No Job, I Just Want to Die Already.

Does that mean you’ll be subletting the place?

Weirdly, these are the pictures from the post. How could you be sad with that sandwich?!

Looks like it’s gonna be a little bit harder to get your smack, crack and prescription whack this summer. A major shortage of top-shelf narcotics in NYC is expected never going to happen following despite the arrest of a Cuban national who supposedly ran a car dealership in Miami but has been busted and charged with importing vast amounts of coke to NYC for use in our finest crack houses.

In an even more spectacular grab earlier this month, more than $30 million worth of heroin was seized when narcotics officers busted a gang that was stuffing china white into cute fluffy Build-a-Bear stuffed toys in the Bronx then distributing the stuff around the tri-state area under stamps like Barack Obama, Swine Flu and Crime 360.

Why the fuck didn’t I think of this one?!? Four NYU finance alums have been busted for a simple bank scam that netted them at least $400,000 over the last five years. Exploiting a federal law that requires banks to repay people who claim their ATM cards were lost or stolen within 10 days, the fearsome foursome went around town opening up accounts with numerous banks, withdrawing their own money (often concealing their identity from cameras with motorcycle helmets) and then claiming their cards been stolen. “This is really a beaut of a scam, I got to tell you,” the Brooklyn DA told reporters. “The scheme was as simple as it was brazen.” Apparently the jig worked for so long because the “lazy banks” couldn’t be bothered to fight continued claims. The alleged thieves are facing 7 years each if convicted.

You see, we have this fan in Mexico who comments [on a gay porn tube site] on all our videos, mostly in ALLCAPS. But my Spanish is lousy to the point of hilarity.  Arch, our earnest reader has done us the favor of translating a comment from yesterday…

“Que rico Hombre que Vergota que Webotes esta bien wapo me pone a 1000 este hombre es muy sexy y me prende waoo padrisimo este video y este caballero”

Translated correctly reads:
“What a hot guy — such a huge dick and big balls — he’s super handsome and making me fucking horny; he’s really sexy and got me so hard. Wow, this dude and video are awesome.”
Not:

“This guy has a great dick for a size queen like me. He’s handsome and I’d pay a 1000 [? he doesn’t say 1000 what] for him. He’s very sexy and this guy and this video make me super hard. ”

But what about the 1000? What does the 1000 mean?! Does Vergota actually mean size queen? what’s a Webotes! “Did you mean Webnotes?” No, Google I did not. Some things we may have to be dragged, wrapped in an old rug to our shallow unmarked grave without ever knowing!

Shitty segue alert. In other news, we put this video up there too:

Soaring summer temperatures in NYC (hey, they gotta soar at some point, right?) can lead to swelling tempers in the streets, and this time we’re lucky enough that somebody had a camera rolling when two old dudes start beating the shit outta each other in Bushwick. Our friends at bushwickbk.com report: “These two 60-something men began beating each other with what seemed to be aluminum rods, while heckling crowds watched safely from the street corner. One man, clearly inebriated, knocks the other over behind a car and wails on him before dropping the pole and walking away. The crowds yelled homophobic abuse at him, but backed up as he came close to them.” Then the bloodied dude grabs two wine bottles out of a recycling bin and heads off in the direction of his attacker before the police are called. Classy! Watch all the action here.

This guy always comments on gaytube in Mexican Spanish. Oh alexramcam, always quick with the compliment. Too bad I have such schoolboy Spanish. They weren’t exactly telling us how to describe bumping uglies en la Señora. Bruja’s clase.

I do know that Vergota is like a size queen. Padrisimo means super… (you can check out the whole thing down below. And watch the video, here and some of our others. Or use this embedded player, at a smaller quality.

And I think I translated, between the typos and slang, it fairly accurately as:

“This guy has a great dick for a size queen like me. He’s handsome and I’d pay a 1000 [? he doesn’t say 1000 what] for him. He’s very sexy and this guy and this video make me super hard. ”

Anyone care to provide a better translation? And you’re right. Rhodes, is um a different looking guy. But he’s cute, real and funny and he’s got a great big tool. I drooled a little in the taping.

“Que rico Hombre que Vergota que Webotes esta bien wapo me pone a 1000 este hombre es muy sexy y me prende waoo padrisimo este video y este caballero”

It’s not always easy to find an excuse to cross the Hudson River and head to Jersey, but this weekend’s All Points West festival is a damn good one. Three days of the finest indie rock sprawled across several stages all basking in the shadow of Lady Liberty’s ass and with stunning views of the Manhattan skyline? Sounds fucking like a dope show to me. This year’s fest — the annual second APW — offers an eclectic bill, including rapper Jay-Z (filling in for the Beastie Boys cause MCA’s got cancer), epic metal mavens Tool and those whiny British mope-rockers Coldplay. But the rest of the lineup gets better: My Bloody Valentine, Echo & the Bunnymen, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, MGMT and dozens of other sweet sonic serenaders. One important warning: getting beer at this thing is a fucking pain in the ass and you’re limited to like four brews for the entire day so bring a flask! (not technically allowed so don’t blame it on me if you get busted).

Steamy Corn?  Sounds like the morning after a late night burrito.

Two Corns One Cup

Although I’m sure it’s delicious, there’s just no context where doesn’t sound kind of gross.