What’s it take to be America’s first legal male prostitute? “He must have the heart of a saint, the mind of a philosopher, and the skills of the devil,” says “Markus,” the beefy 25-year-old ex-Marine just hired by Nevada’s Shady Lady Ranch brothel a few weeks after several counties there legalized dude hookers. But must he have the cock of a blue whale?

“Markus” didn’t address that in his first official interview, but he did go on to suggest his sexual pioneering is “just the same as when Rosa Parks decided to sit at the front [of the bus] instead of the back” (not surprisingly, Markus’ bosses decided Markus won’t be giving any more interviews).

Another thing Markus won’t be giving is head, as he’s made a big point of saying he’s not available for sex with men: “My sphincter isn’t for sale.” Not a big loss, though. As some wise New York magazine commenter noted:

Reasons why gay men shouldn’t hook up with him.
1) He’s from Alabama
2) He thinks he’s well read, but he’s from Alabama
3) His Face
4) Point three deserves a second mention
5) His lack of orthodontical work.

All very valid reasons. Especially reason No. 4.