A true treasure of modern-day Times Square or a cheesy side dish that fits right in nestled between the Olive Garden and T.G.I.Fridays? Either way you cut it, the Naked Cowboy is an undeniable fixture in the Big Apple. And apparently not one that exports well, as the Cowboy has been wrangling up a ruckus with plans to don his trademark tighty-whities and strap on his guitar for a performance this summer at the Greenhills Summer Festival in his Ohio hometown, a small suburb outside Cincinnati. But a local mayoral candidate shot off an e-mail to city council members protesting the gig, saying that the county fair of a conservative town is an indecent venue for a pants-less performance (not exactly a surprising view in the home of that whole bullshit Robert Mapplethorpe obscenity fiasco). Yet the Cowboy is standing firm is his plans to rock hard, bringing a little bit of the Apple to America’s heartland. How fucking heartwarming.

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You can’t make up shit better than this. Last week an 18-year-old Belgian girl gained international headlines for claiming she fell asleep in a tattoo parlor chair and woke up with 56 stars permanently inked on her face — 53 more than she claimed she asked for. She promptly sued the tattoo artist for $56K to pay for their removal, but he maintained he was just doing his job. And now — big fucking surprise — the crazy kid admits she wanted them all along. “I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them. But when my father saw them, he was furious. So I said I fell asleep and the that the tattooist made a mistake.” Watch the drama unfold like a soggy old atlas here:

New York’s massive fucking budget woes may have an upside: more gambling in the Empire State! While we already have Mega Millions in NY — the joint 12-state lottery with a jackpot that recently went north of $180 million — state legislators are looking to bring us the legendary Powerball, a massive fucking lotto enterprise already available in more than 20 other states. Maybe Powerball could finally run that creepy Little Bit o’ Luck dude out of town.

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Come on already.  Remember when Michael Jackson was a child molester?  And crazy?  And dangling babies out windows?   It’s too bad he died, but all this ‘he made the world a beautiful place’ shit is out of hand!  

via YouTube – VERY FUNNY Wacko Jacko Confesses.

And what about Farrah Fawcett?

Feeling a little bit chunky after that long winter hibernation? Wondering why you’re looking so fat?!? Well, ThisIsWhyYouAreFat.com offers up hints in the form of food porn featuring some massive fucking coronaries served up on plates. Some artery-clogging highlights:

— The “Fifth Third Burger,” which features 5/3 of a pound beef patty with lettuce, tomato, salsa, sour cream, chili and Fritos on an eight-inch sesame seed bun.
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— The “McSurf N’ Turf,” rocking the Filet-O-Fish morphed with a burger.
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Our Governor Paterson already has backed off from his push to legalize gay marriage in New York, but here’s some medicine for what’s ailing ya: medical marijuana. Two state lawmakers have introduced a bill to legalize the wacky weed in NY for people who toke for medicinal purposes. If it passes, “people suffering from specific diseases such as cancer or HIV-related ills could obtain a certification from their doctor that would allow them to possess up to 2-1/2 ounces of marijuana and up to 12 plants.” Sounds like a pipe dream? “I think we’ve got by far the best chance we’ve ever had,” says Assemblyman Gottfried, one of the bill’s backers. I’ll smoke to that.

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We’ve been dangling off the fire escapes of Christopher Street to watch the Gay Pride Parade for, oh, 19 years! And the neighbors have been doing it for the full 40 years since the original gay riot. But for some reason this year, the NYPD has hung flyers up and down the block, ‘recommending’ we all not do this.

Okay, so it is kinda dangerous – I’ve seen beer bottles and such fall on the crowd, and I guess some drunk queen could slip and tumble off. But it’s more like the ‘Running Of The Bulls’ in Pamplona – stupid, dangerous, and a great tradition!

Either way, the NYPD should really proof read these things before putting them out. Really.

1.  ALL CAPS!!!?

2. WEEKENDS should have an apostrophe

3. The second paragraph is a horribly mangled run on sentence.

4. Should say, ” IN THE PAST A LARGE NUMBER…”

5. The whole manages to avoid the words Gay, Lesbian, or LGBT.

Finally, isn’t this really a FDNY matter?